The Man in the Pink Polo

Kindness, Khakis, and Connection

Waleid Grew Up in Egypt. Although he's afraid of dogs, he let me show him how to carefully pet Harry under the chin. He studied aerospace engineering in his twenties. We have had many conversations about Middle Eastern politics, religion, generational gaps and, of course, food. He wears polos and jeans pretty much every day, even when he's going to fancy events. Today was his son's engagement party. I think the shirt was pink.

Waleid Is Not My Friend

Sorry to mislead you. But that’s kind of the whole point: relationships don’t require friendship. They require respect, recognition and kindness.

Waleid is a general contractor serving my multi-unit condo building, and he was here today to fix a very stubborn leak in my bathroom ceiling. Every time he comes over, he laughs and says, "I love seeing you, but I wish it were under different circumstances."

He caught me a little off-guard when he raised his arms and put his hands on my shoulders this morning, nodding at me to signal his appreciation. "You always treat me and my guys well, so we'll be here as long as it takes to get this thing fixed once and for all."

Humanity Isn't Optional

I respect the humanity of every person I come into contact with. I assume good intent and give people the benefit of the doubt. I treat them with kindness. I ask them how they are doing and offer them warmth, whether they are the neighborhood postal worker, the vet staff, the pharmacist, or the guy trying to figure out why my ceiling has been dripping for months.

Kindness costs nothing. And yet it yields exponential benefits. Where others see a contractor, I see a person with a story, a family, and a wealth of experience. Every time Waleid and his guys visit to repair something, I say hello, ask how they are doing and offer them a flavored seltzer from the fridge. If I'm not super busy with work, I'll make small talk or even big talk. This is a whole person in my home, not just a quick patch for my ceiling. He deserves to be treated as such.

It's a stark contrast to the way Waleid and his team are treated by some of my neighbors. Typically, they range from evasive to indifferent to enraged. He’s lucky if the neighbor two units above me even answers the door. Apparently, another tenant was so angry about repair work that he even threatened to punch Waleid.

Bringing Humanity to Work

I genuinely find people to be interesting and I enjoy getting to know them. Relationship-building comes fairly easy to me. I am keen to listen to people, validate them and express interest in who they are and what is important to them. I'm the one creating a Coffee and Chaos Teams chat channel so we can post dog and cat memes or swap childhood photos during lulls at work. I'm running the ice breaker in our departmental meetings, asking you to post anonymously about a hobby or interest you have that we wouldn't know about so that we can guess who loves to collect vintage Pyrex (and fail miserably). If you're going through something rough, I'm probably collecting money and putting a care package together for you after figuring out how to sneakily get your address from HR.

I love to make people smile and laugh. I have a knack for seeing people's full potential and empowering them to grow and take up space. I want to make people feel safe, seen and reassured when they interact with me.

Relationships Make the Work Work

Everyone says it's who you know and not what you know. I think this is partially true. You can't walk around knowing nothing, but no one will know how much you know or what you can do if they don't feel safe around you or welcomed by you.

Just as Waleid will stick around "as long as it takes" because he feels respected, teams and colleagues do their best work when they feel seen and valued. Nothing meaningful in life gets done without other people. Our first priority in any role in any industry should be to build trusting, solid relationships with our team, with other internal stakeholders, and with our external partners. Once we establish that, we become much more front-of-mind for others. We become partners instead of coworkers. We become whole human beings with our own stories and experiences, and with unique perspectives, talents and skills.

I hope that when my colleagues reach out to me, they're smiling and thinking: "Maybe I'll run this by Dana. She's great with rubrics. And she'll probably demand to see pictures of my dog and make me laugh about these ridiculous stock images."

“I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”
- Maya Angelou

Trust Is the Real Fix

I am not worried about my bathroom ceiling. I trust Waleid to fix it as much as I trust that the next time I see him, he'll have a polo shirt and jeans on. He makes me feel safe by explaining why the leak keeps coming back. He makes me feel seen by listening to me and validating my anxiety about getting sheetrock dust all over my bathroom. And he makes me feel reassured that everything is going to be all right in the end. I hope I am doing my part by engaging his humanity and offering him and his team as much kindness as I can on his visits.

Your Move: Lead With Kindness

Great leaders know that warmth and kindness unlock each person’s unique ability to contribute. While not all of us carry the official title of “leader,” each of us has the chance to practice kindness in the way we show up at work every day.

How are you bringing humanity to work? Are you making your colleagues feel seen, safe and reassured? What are some of the warmest memories you have about the relationships you've developed in professional settings? What tips do you have for the rest of us?

As always, I would love to hear your thoughts!